Ho's Drama Queens, and Bitches: Part 3 The Bitch

*Disclaimer: there will be coarse language used in this post, if you’re easily offended and get sand in your vag, fucking deal with it, you may be part of the problem. Straws and tampons ladies, either suck it up or plug it up.*

                This week I’m talking about bitches. There are many reasons as to why the word bitch became a word that became synonymous to an undesirable woman. The history behind it is actually quite interesting. Now bear in mind that “bitch” is often used for females of the canine species. My theory as to why this became a descriptor for the females of the human species is that, to call someone a dog in most languages is quite offensive because it implies that someone is less than human. So therefore, if you are going to call a woman a dog, you might as well call them a bitch, mainly because of their anatomical capabilities. Females get fucked, get pregnant, so on and so forth. The bitch of the canine species does the same thing.

                The literal definition of the word bitch as per dictionary.com is: female dog, female of the canine species, (or when it comes to human females) a malicious unpleasant selfish person, or a derogatory term used for any specimen of the female gender. It can be used as a verb, as a synonym for complaining. Urban dictionary defines it as a woman who has a really bad attitude, whiny female, someone who is in a rather demeaning position regardless of gender (an emotionally whipped male or female in a relationship/modern equivalent of a servant), or a female who uses her gender as a shield while saying disparaging/inappropriate remarks. The fact of the matter is, is that I have encountered all of the above.

                One thing I have noticed is that women get labeled this quite frequently. Usually the criteria for someone to be labeled a bitch is that they have said someone to offend another person (quite possibly another woman), and they don’t care that they have. Many cases the things that were said were an apt (if not coarse) description of the person or situation that was discussed. Another qualification for being a bitch is to sometimes display your emotions, particularly anger/frustration/distain/etc… without really caring about what others think about it. Another is speaking your mind honestly even when it could possibly offend others. Another is doing what she wants to do, regardless of what others think about it.  Another thing is, is that the person labeling someone as a bitch is often labeled a bitch herself. Case and point: about three months back or so, I had a rather ugly falling out with my ex roommate. She was disrespectful to myself and others and had a bad habit of talking about other people behind their backs (another qualification of being a bitch). It had gotten bad enough that I rarely was home because I flat out didn’t want to deal with her drama and bullshit. Well one day, I told her to start looking for a place because I was going to move out. She hadn’t been helping with the bills like she said she was going to and I spent more money in 3 months on stuff for the house that I was barely able to use than I had with my ex husband for 6 months. Needless to say, I got screwed. She takes offense to this and demands the key to the storage unit. I was like “ok fine, just give me my things out of the unit when you are able to.” Frankly I should have demanded my things then and there but I was a tad naïve and didn’t think it was going to go that far. She left my house a disaster and did not clean after herself. And when I finally did get my things (after a huge argument) I noticed one thing missing; the cross members to my solid oak futon. I described to her what they looked like and explained to her where they should have been in the unit. She swore up and down that she brought all of my things (BULLSHIT). I threatened legal action when I wasn’t returned my things (or my key for that matter). She returned the key, however I have yet to see the cross members to my futon, so now I have a futon that I cannot put together because I am missing major components. I will be able to “replace” these pieces but that is not the point. The fact of the matter is, is that she now has 2 pieces of lumber that I doubt she knows what they are for and will most likely burn them.

                Here’s a rather interesting sentence for food for thought. “A Bitch, is a female who likes to bitch, make other people her bitch, and will label others as a bitch when in fact she is one herself.” This sentence is in my opinion quite apt. Those that are labeled as a bitch, in some cases couldn’t be farther from it, but those that are labeling someone as a bitch do not consider themselves bitches, when in fact that there is overwhelming evidence of their being a bitch. I find it rather amusing to be honest. One thing that has always bothered the ever living hell out of me is hypocrisy, regardless of where that hypocrisy is coming from. Whether it’s from the government, religious/secular groups, companies/corporations, or individuals it doesn’t matter to me. It all bothers me. I may eventually go into why hypocrisy bothers me and give examples at a later date, but now is not the time to do so.

                I will admit that at times, I am a bitch. I wholeheartedly admit to my bitchiness. I complain at times, I can have a bad attitude here and there, sometimes I let my temper off its leash and let loose on someone for something I thought was wrong, I show my emotions honestly, speak honestly about someone, give honest advice without sugar coating my words, and I’m guilty of saying something maliciously if I believe that the situation warrants it. If I do say something malicious, chances are it’s not because I’m doing it randomly, the person that I am maliciously commenting about has in one way or another pissed me off or . Whether its talking behind my back and I found out, being a hypocrite, stabbing my friends or I in the back to get ahead, or doing a number of things that could possibly piss me off, I will speak my mind. Often I will have already spoken my mind to the person I’m talking about and frankly… I don’t care. Many cases I’ve already tried to give this person the benefit of the doubt before I made my decision on their character, but they have given me a reason to do what I am doing. I will not however, be a bitch to or about my friends, acquaintances maybe, but friends absolutely not. There are situations that warrant getting demoted to acquaintance. If you’ve hurt me to the point of demotion, you probably did something that goes against my moral standards, used me, or lied about something big to me. Weddings and babies don’t count; sleeping with my significant other on the other hand is another.

                If you believe that you fit the criteria of a bitch, don’t necessarily be offended by it, but if it bothers you, change it. Whatever bothers you about the definition of bitch that applies to you, change it. If you have been labeled a bitch, take a look into why you were labeled as such. Did you say or do something to offend someone? Was that offense warranted? Does it really matter that you are labeled as such? Does it bother you that you are labeled as such? Can the situation be fixed? If not, can you live with what was done, or what is said and done to you because of this label? I can’t answer this for you, these are questions you must answer yourself.

Random Rant: Get Over It Already!

                Again, I am faced with another issue; this time is someone who will not let go of something. Two people actually. One male, one female, both are aggravating me entirely. The female is having an issue with a memory of a male that hurt her due to his insensitivity and his relapse to drugs. His memory is permeating everything around her and it is in some cases dragging everyone down with her. I am pissed off at this male because I met him and had he just showed up once, and not gotten his ass in trouble, he probably would not have hurt her. As it stands right now, she is forced to move on without him because he is entirely unavailable due to his choices. The part that is bothering me is that she will not let him go, even though in my eyes he has already moved on from her because he has ceased all contact with her. I understand that there may be information that I am not privy to but in the meantime, I’d rather not be dragged down by the memory of a male that I thoroughly wish to castigate and then castrate. The male is having issues similar to the female but in this cases it is not just one, but several. He has had issues with getting and keeping quality partners. One he got pregnant and due to outside influence of one of his family members, she ran off with his child and forced him to sign a document that for all intended purposes cuts him out of their child’s life. Another is an old flame that was going to get married to his best friend. This one was torn between him and his best friend, and wanted him to get in the way of their marriage, before it happened. He did not want to do it because he felt that it was wrong to do so and that he did not want her. He avoided the issue for as long as he could before it came down to him finally telling her that it was not going to happen.  Granted he did end up sleeping with her, but in the end, it came down to when it was all said and done he told her to leave. Afterward however he moped around for a couple of days. It bothers me because had he told her in the first place when he had found out about her coming up here, he would have nipped it in the bud and been able to move on like he wanted to. He bothers me because he knows what he should do, and what he needs to do but refuses to do it because it is painful to do so. It came down to me telling him that it happens and there is nothing that he could do about it.

                Sometimes it comes down to doing something regardless of how painful it is to do it. These two have that both in common. They know what they need to do, but refuse to do it because it causes heartache. I have unfortunately had to do this for myself. I had to let go of several memories because if I held on to them, it would have either killed me or pushed me towards relapse.  What I do not understand about people is that they push off painful issues until they cannot ignore it any longer. I’m not any better at not pushing it off, however I will realize that it needs to be done so therefore I do it before it becomes a problem.  Once done, I move on. I get over my issues as best as I can and as quickly as I can because I cannot stand to be miserable. I cannot dwell on my past because it will block my future. I will not let myself become stagnant because too many people depend on me to be able to help them. If I cannot get myself together, why would I help others? It would be as if the blind being led by the blind.

Random Rant: Hypocrisy

               There are many levels of hypocrisy: individual hypocrites, company/corporation hypocrisy religious/secular organizational hypocrisy, governmental hypocrisy, and societal hypocrisy. Frankly it all sucks.

                The individual hypocrite bothers me because depending on what they are being hypocritical about it can have ramifications that can be detrimental to the others around them. Someone who states that they are not racist or a bigoted, but will pop off racial slurs about Muslims and Hispanics, although may not directly harm someone in their circle but can “flavor” the thoughts of someone about a specific group. Many hypocrites of this nature are stating these “facts” from generalizations and stereotypes. The racial slur you yell at the Latino may in fact be completely false from the person you are yelling at.

                Religious organizations have a bad habit of doing something very similar about people as the individual hypocrite. Often the case is in my experience, is that the most vocal people of a religious organization are the biggest hypocrites of the group. Case and point: the Westboro Baptist Church. Christianity teaches to love one another, that God loves all sinners but hates the sin, that if you accept Christ as your savior you are saved, if you repent you are forgiven, people of all walks of life can become a Christian, and help others who may not be able to help themselves through charity and generosity. Your riches don’t follow you to heaven, your worldly possessions mean nothing there, and those who give most of themselves to others take precedence to those who are selfish and keep everything to themselves. If that is the case, then why do they (WBC and other churches) go against everything that Christianity teaches them? Why do they spout off some of the most hateful rhetoric about people different from themselves (the LGBT community, peoples of other countries, different religious beliefs, the military, the government, etc…)? Why are so many churches getting so much money, yet there are members of their congregation or the nearby community who starve? The Vatican receives billions of dollars in tithes, but how much of that is actually given back to the community? See where I’m going with this?

                Secular organizations are not immune to this either. Everyone who isn’t a part of their group is in some way inferior to them. Organizations that claim that they promote attraction for all to join, yet turn someone away for their beliefs on something, aren’t open to all. MENSA says that if you are of a specific level on IQ you can join, but those that join often have a holier than thou attitude, and treat those who do not have their level IQ like garbage. Those that decline to join are labeled by them to not be a true genius. A genius in my book often does things that aren’t like the others, which flies in the face of convention, and challenges the established. Therefore, if a prospective MENSA candidate declines to join due to their disagreeing with something about that organization, why are they not a genius? They are questioning something about that group, which true geniuses question a lot of things.

                Governmental hypocrisy would be too large for me to go into. One thing that bothers me about my own government is, why are we spending so much on foreign aid, to countries that own a large chunk of our national debt? If we’re already in debt, why spend money we do not have? Why spend money on these countries, when in fact it would be better suited here taking care of our own people?

                Society has its own level. Why is it that a 5’9” 100 lb woman with no curves and hardly any tits to mention considered ideal, when a healthy 5’4” 150lb woman who has curves and medium/large breasts considered fat? Why do we idolize models and visual stars of today, but if we were to place the female stars of the past to our standards, they would be the butt of everyone’s jokes? If Mae West, Marylin Monroe, and Bettie Page were alive and in their prime today in the bodies they had then, they would be classified plus size by the fashion industry, and called fat by the entertainment industry. Why is one man’s terrorist another man’s patriot? (This may cause an outcry in my own country) If you take the popular definition of a terrorist, the founding fathers, and the revolutionaries that helped pave the way for my country’s independence, are in fact all terrorists. They committed acts of terrorism against the crown of Great Britain and its government. King George the 3^rd and Parliament labeled the rebels as traitors and a threat to the crown, not too unlike some of the revolutionaries of today and their respective governments. The difference is only time in which they took place, and what side of the fence you are sympathetic to.

               

                The reason that hypocrisy bothers me so much is in my eyes, hypocrites are liars. I hate being lied to. I’ve dealt with enough lies in the past that I have very little patience for them now. If you are a hypocrite, don’t be surprised if I call you out. And to the people of the world, stand up, and call out your hypocrites. The world would be a better place if we were true to ourselves and others.

Ho's, Drama Queens, and Bitches: Part 2: The Drama Queen

*Disclaimer: there will be coarse language used in this post, if you’re easily offended and get sand in your vag, fucking deal with it, you may be part of the problem. Straws and tampons ladies, either suck it up or plug it up.*

                And now for my second part, Drama Queens. This one is particularly irksome to me, mainly because I seem to be surrounded by them on a daily basis. Now I do understand that there are instances that cause drama, and in some cases they really can’t be avoided. I’m not talking about that. No, I’m talking about the girls that claim that they don’t like drama but seem to cause it every chance they get. Whether it’s picking fights with people for perceived slights like my ex roommate (and ex husband), committing petty revenge on someone, or causing havoc by creating uncomfortable situations, each one is just as repugnant to me.

1.       Let’s pick a fight: This one bothers me because in some cases she will fly off the handle over a perceived slight when in fact nothing was done wrong. Trying to reason with this one is like talking to a brick wall. Not gonna fucking work, and it’s a waste of breath. The only way to combat this is to tell her the information when she is a lot calmer. Try to tell her anything too soon and it starts all over again. Sometimes the issue becomes clear to this one, however their pride prevents her from admitting it and will cut you off for no reason.

a.       Example: Drama Queen: “Why isn’t there any toilet paper in the house?”, me: “because you used it all and didn’t buy any more, I haven’t been home for the last 3 days and you never told me that we were running low”, Drama Queen: “Fuck you bitch, why the fuck should I replace it?” (please note that this was my roommate telling me this), me: ”Excuse me? I bought almost everything in this house for the past month and barely got to use any of it, between you and your loser boyfriend  I have spent more on food and toiletries in the last month, than I ever had to do with my ex husband and I, and I’m barely here most of the time.” Drama Queen: “Whatever bitch.”

2.       Petty Revenge: in these cases she’s got issues where she feels that she needs to be in control of everything. And when she doesn’t have that, she’ll backstab, or whatever she feels would warrant the situation. This includes but is not limited to property damage, slander, exposing sensitive secrets to anyone who will hear, filing false police reports, and so many other things. There’s not much you can do except for when you realize her for what she is, (hopefully you aren’t the object of said revenge) you get the fuck away… FAR AWAY! If in the event that you are the subject of said revenge, you do what you can to perform damage control, and then get the fuck away. However, if the situation is bad enough, such as sabotage, property damage, or slander, there may be some recourse for you in the legal system. Especially if the issue is going to cause you significant issues over time.

3.       “And let the havoc begin…”: This one has many forms. Sometimes it takes the form of a hypochondriac, someone who suffers from Munchausen by Proxy, addicts in various stages of recovery, or someone who combines the previous with this by sleeping with someone else’s significant other. Here’s a way to deal with some of these particular individuals.

a.       Hypochondriac: This one is in and out of the hospital or the doctor’s office more than a dick in some porn stars. She’s constantly complaining about this or that being medically wrong with her. It seems that she’s on a fist full of pills for one reason or another. You almost suspect that she’s addicted to at least one prescription or another and is a pill seeker. The best way to deal with this one is to gauge whether or not the issue is valid and whether or not it’s worth it or not to call her out. There are many reasons for this one to rear its ugly head. Whether she had a rough life growing up for one reason or another, or she isn’t getting enough attention now, it really isn’t your business. Sometimes it is best to just walk away.

b.      Munchausen: This one is particularly dangerous because they not only cause drama, but in some cases it can cause physical harm to someone who should never have to deal with this. Usually the victim of the proxy is a small child. The best way to deal with this one is to get involved in the victim’s life in some way, in some cases report the issue to the authorities, and recommend that she gets help.

c.       Sleepers: This one is particularly disgusting because if you are the one who had your significant other sleep with this one that can put you in danger of some nasty little hitchhikers known as STI’s (sexually transmitted infections for you non acronym savvy people). These can range from embarrassing to life changing. The best way to deal with this one is to leave the one who cheated on you and let them make their best impressions of bunnies if you know what I mean.  They’ll figure it out soon enough and you’ll be none the wiser.

d.      “Oops I’m pregnant”: This one kind of belongs with the previous one but it has a few differences. This one belongs with those who are in a same sex relationship, and you find out that she cheated on you, with a guy… The best way to deal with this is to decide whether or not it is worth it to stay or go, and whether or not it is worth it to forgive her. I know of a few relationships where this was a complete relationship killer.

e.      The revengeful over-sharer: this one belongs with the previous full section but often the case is that what was shared, had no business going outside the two of you, and is causing a lot of hate and discontent among the people it was shared with, particularly aimed at you. If you are not one the over-sharer is trying to hurt, the best way to deal with this is to tell her “Why the fuck are you doing this? I don’t care, leave me alone, and stop causing drama.” Then go to the one who she is trying to hurt and give them the heads up in a way that isn’t going to get them mad at you. If you are the subject of the over-sharer’s wrath, call her out, and set the record straight with those who she contacted. In some cases you may have to do some preventative damage control if necessary.

f.        The attention whore: This one obviously didn’t get enough love from mommy/daddy/legal guardian. It ranges from getting in trouble with law enforcement, causing fights at the club/bar, getting so fucking drunk that she’s a fucking mess that can’t even walk on her own, acting-a-ho, etc… depending on the severity you either give her the attention she needs and then recommend that she gets help with her “daddy” issues, take her to the nearest emergency room and drop her ass off, call law enforcement and have her taken into custody (especially if what she’s doing could harm self or others), or get her family involved in getting help. What you do with this one is up to you.

Of course there are more types of drama queens out there, but this was just a sampling of a few that I’ve recently had to deal with.  That’s not to say that there won’t be addendums to previous posts at a later date.  I know from the rate of this, I’ll have a lot of writing to do when it comes to our stereotypes. Until next time… TO BE CONTINUED…

Random Rant: Overly Drunk

                Normally I do enjoy a good time, maybe have a couple of drinks if I’m not driving, spend time with my friends, and generally cut loose. I don’t however enjoy getting myself utterly shitfaced and making a complete YouTube worthy ass of myself. Nor do I enjoy particularly watching someone who is that shitfaced drunk. Recently however one of my roommates did just that.

                Drunk is basically defined by being intoxicated on a substance that can impair basic physical and mental functions. Urban dictionary defines shitfaced as: to be extremely drunk/wasted/so drunk that you black out, pass out, or fuck something you really shouldn’t have; like the 400lb woman with duck-butter vag. He was damn near You-Tube worthy.

                The part that I hate about being that drunk is that you have very little control over yourself and can make some very stupid decisions, such as hitting someone with an already injured hand. I live in a house with 7 other people. This is pretty much the party/bachelor pad because not one of us in the house are married. I shack up with my boyfriend, there are 2 more couples, and 2 older single guys. Needless to say that testosterone tends to flow a lot more than estrogen, and it’s a bit of a sausage fest. My roommate got so drunk he needed a designated walker.  He pissed on himself on the Hide-a-bed couch (luckily it was on the mattress and not the couch cushions). He tried to punch me a couple of times, whacked one of my roommates in the face with the fiberglass splint he has on his arm, and was incoherently jabbering on about random shit (like he said he loved my boyfriend). Frankly it was half way between hilarious and utterly aggravating. The next morning at about 10, he was still drunk. I kicked his ass (literally foot to ass) and told him to get in the shower because I’m making him clean up his mess. Apparently from one of my fellow roommates, he took the shower in one sock and his underwear. At this point I am aggravated with him because I know exactly why he got himself so fucking shitfaced.

                The back-story with this one is that he’s 21, and he has issues;  issues that he’s running from. I’ve told him time and time again to get his issues straight, and stop running from them. Obviously it’s working like a Swiss cheese bucket. This has happened often enough that I worry that he has a drinking problem. He’s steadily going down the path to becoming a raging alcoholic. As far as I’m concerned I don’t want him to be drunk and be around me for my own safety. If I have any say in it, he’s not drinking while I’m around.

Ho's, Drama Queens, and Bitches: Part One, The Ho

*Disclaimer: there will be coarse language used in this post, if you’re easily offended and get sand in your vag, fucking deal with it, you may be part of the problem. Straws and tampons ladies, either suck it up or plug it up.*

                Ladies, have you ever wondered why we have so many stereotypes placed on ourselves? Have you ever wondered why guys say some of the stupidest things about us when seemingly that they don’t know what they are talking about fully? Well the sad thing is, is that in a lot of ways we did it to ourselves. The things that get plastered through pop culture get plastered on us in our daily lives.  From the way we dress, to the way we act, all the way down to the way we talk. I’m going to name just a few and do my best to pick them apart from my perspective. 

 “Damn that girl’s a ho” “Eww… Skank” or others of the like: First off, I will say that of course not all females are hos/skanks/insert negative sexually active slur. There are plenty of women out there in the world who are truly and honestly wholesome women. They don’t sleep around; they’re genuinely nice without having ulterior motives, so on and so forth. What I’m going to take on are the people who are perceived to be a “loose” woman.

                So the question is; why are so many ladies perceived as such? I’ve noticed in the short time of my existence, that often these ladies (and I use the term loosely in some cases) are often the party girls. These girls often have had a slew of boyfriends/girlfriends before the age of 25, and many are “known” to have put out to many of them. Some were putting out on the first night, or very early on in the “relationship”. That being said: if you’ve had your way with many guys/girls and the relationships don’t last, is it really beyond the scope of perception that you are a loose woman? Have you maybe tried to figure out exactly why the relationships didn’t work out, or did you just blame the other party for ditching you for someone else/ cheating on you? Have you sat down and actually looked at yourself and tried to get to the root of the issue as to why your relationships aren’t working, and why you keep having the same issue of it doesn’t last? Chances are you’ve probably said yes to a lot of these, but in all actuality you are probably lying to yourself. More often than not the answer is no to all or at least part of it. In my experience I’ve noticed that in a lot of ways these girls need validation and affirmation of sorts. Whether it’s feeling like they are worth being loved, that they are beautiful, or any other thing that they are insecure about, often the string of relationships is an attempt to find that missing thing in them. The problem with this is that it rarely works. She’ll get hurt, whether it’s physically or emotionally, and then the whole relationship will just go completely south from there. When that happens, the relationship ends and she’s faced with her insecurities again. When that happens she seeks comfort in the arms of the next person who will give her the time of day. Sometimes it ends up in a one night stand; sometimes it ends up in another relationship.  Either way she started the cycle all over again, whether she realizes it or not. This cycle isn’t invisible to others, people in your circle will notice. When they notice that is where the trouble starts. The perception of “ho-dom” starts when you (the perceived ho) keep running through guys/gals like you’re a chain smoker with a carton of cigarettes, this is especially true if you start dating people within your circle. Humans have this uncanny ability to run our mouths to other people, especially when we have some information that could be detrimental to another person. We can be especially cruel when doing this. Gossip is rarely ever good. The little old ladies in town are going to talk about the negative things that they see more often than the positive. Of course they talk about the positive, but the negative often spreads faster than the positive stuff. It’s just in our nature to do so. When word spreads, people make assumptions. Most often those assumptions are based off of incorrect or incomplete information. What’s difficult is correcting that information in a large group without making you look like a fool.

                In all honesty the best way to keep yourself from looking like a ho in the matter of relationships is to not rush into a relationship in the first place, and for god sake be picky about who you sleep with. If you gain a reputation of not putting out on the first night, and waiting until you actually get to know the person, you’ll find that your relationships are probably going to last longer. Make your partner earn the right to get into your pants and they’ll most likely respect you more.

                The second part of this is looking like a ho. If you don’t want someone to stare at your tits, ass, etc… don’t dress in something that barely covers the asset that you are having a problem of people looking at. If you want a guy to look you in the eye, don’t wear a top that has a neck line that goes to your belly button. If you have a problem of people staring at your ass, don’t fucking wear shorts or skirts that barely cover your butt cheeks. Don’t wear pants that are skin tight, especially when you are wearing chonies that have a significant panty-line. Don’t wear dresses that when you lift your arms or sit down it becomes a shirt. When you’re out on the beach, wear a swimsuit that covers more than just your crotch and your nipples. If you don’t want them to stare, don’t give them any ammo. There are plenty of fashions that are flattering that don’t bare it all. I’ve talked to guys and often times they are more interested in the woman that isn’t bearing it all. It leaves more to the imagination. If you have a problem with people looking at you, either get over it or change how you look to draw attention away from yourself. Now on the flip side, if you don’t give a fuck, and you don’t care if they look, then don’t give a damn if someone thinks of you in a negative light. What others think of you should have no bearing on what you think of yourself. You are you, they are themselves, if they have a problem with you; they can fuck off. It’s that simple. Just don’t be surprised if you are labeled as a ho.

This brings me to my final point of the day. Humans for some reason cannot seem to go through the day without  putting a label on something or someone. It is an attempt to organize and categorize their lives. Everybody (and I do mean everybody) does it. Whether you’re the richest person in the world to the lowliest homeless person, across all walks of life, every race, every creed, color, orientation, and every gender, it doesn’t matter.  So knowing this, realize that everybody has a label for something. It’s going to happen. It may piss you off. It may hurt your feelings. However it’s a fact of life that we all are just going to have to deal with.